October 7, 2024
Tania Nguyen

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I am not a professional athlete. 

 

Exercise was never really a part of my life until my second year of law school.  I had severe insomnia, in addition to (undiagnosed) depression and a broken relationship with food and my body.  The insomnia eventually got so bad that I could barely hold basic conversations with my classmates.  I decided that I needed an intervention and had read online that exercise could help improve sleep.  I was a broke student at the time, so I asked my mom if she'd be willing to pay for a membership to the student gym.  (She undoubtedly had flashbacks to the time that I asked her to buy me a snowboard and never went a single time.)  Even so, she said yes.  And so, the next day, I dug out a pair of leggings that could double as exercise pants and walked across the snowy quad to the gym.  

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I remember entering the gym and having literally zero clue what to do.  At that point, the only thing I knew how to do was use a treadmill.  I started by walking at a 20 minute/mile pace.  After 45 minutes, I was pouring sweat, had a splitting headache, and had to go back to my dorm room and sleep it off for 3 hours.  I kept coming back, though, and after a week, I started walking on an incline.  After that: speed walking at an incline.  And few weeks later, I mustered the courage to hop on the elliptical.  (New level of full-body coordination unlocked!)

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While this almost immediately cured my insomnia, it didn't solve the fact that I was spending most of my wakings hours alone.  My mental health continued to suffer and it wasn't until several years later that my sister suggested that I try Crossfit.  By that point, I had graduated from law school and was working as a junior associate at a prestigious firm in NYC (they call it "golden handcuffs" for a reason).  There happened to be a Crossfit gym down the street from my apartment, so I signed up for an intro class — not even really to get in better shape (I had no idea what Crossfit was), but because I'd heard that it was a group class.  (Sadly, the only people I had spoken to that week were via teleconference or the cashiers at Whole Foods.)  I was the least fit person in the gym by any metric. A few data points:  The first time I attempted a barbell back squat I almost fell over.  It took me weeks to muster the courage to kick upside down into a handstand.  Another several weeks to get my first box jump.  9 months to get my first push up.  1 year to get my first pull-up.  2 years to snatch 75#.

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Fast forward to today, I've been doing Crossfit & Olympic weightlifting for almost 10 years.  At the risk of sounding dramatic, I think that sport saved my life.  It saved me from a lifetime of hating my body and having a self-destructive relationship with food.  It profoundly altered my understanding of what my mind and body are capable of.  It taught me discipline, courage, and normalized risk taking and failure.  And it has been the foundation upon which I have built some of the most authentic, meaningful relationships of my life.

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When I think of what it means to be an "athlete," I think of the repeated decision to challenge yourself physically and mentally.  To me, whether you are an athlete is a function of your daily choices and your actions — not your capacity.  And certainly not the consensus of others.  If you're reading this, chances are that you are an athlete — whether you believe or not.  I hope that you do. 

 

I believe that the mom who deadlifts her body weight in her garage while her kids are napping is an athlete, as is the woman who dedicates her life to her craft and competes at the highest level of her sport. 

 

In my view, we are all athletes — and Selects is for all of us.

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